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| Cathy Sears, Law Clerk |
As the rest of
us swapped stories and scooped up the last bits of homemade sauce with savory
garlic bread, Nana would quietly retreat to the sink to begin hand-washing the
mountain of dishes that accumulated. The
dishwasher had broken decades earlier and, per Nana’s Great Depression-era
mindset, was deemed not worth the cost of replacing. Occasionally, one of the grown-ups would
offer assistance, while us kids scampered toward the dessert table, trying to
sneak as many pieces of sugary fudge into our mouths before our parents
noticed. Being fiercely stubborn and
independent, however, Nana always refused the help, and told the prospective
helper to go socialize with their adult siblings instead.
Fast-forward to
Christmas 2014. Nana was 81 years old by
this time and had begun talking about downsizing to a nearby condo
complex. Meanwhile, half of the
grandchildren were in college or grad school with our own apartments and our
own dishes to clean. A few of us – who
inherited our stubbornness from our grandmother – decided to beat Nana to the
sink and wash the dishes ourselves.
Though she protested, she secretly looked relieved when we insisted that
we had the situation under control.
As silly as it
sounds, washing that mountain of dishes was my favorite part of Christmas that
year. Though certainly not as
traditional as the tree, lights, or presents, it reminded me of the true spirit
of the holiday season: a loving and giving spirit to those we encounter.
Now, I don’t
share this story just to pat myself on the back. Instead, I want to raise awareness at this
time of year when those of us who live far away from our aging relatives may
have visited family for the first time in a while.
Think back on
your recent holiday visit with family.
Did your relative look as put-together as she usually does, or were her
clothes uncharacteristically dirty or askew?
Was his home as tidy as it has been in the past, or were there piles of
clutter? Did she have difficulty hearing
or understanding you when you talked?
Were there signs that he is having trouble managing his various
medications?
If you’ve
noticed changes in a loved one’s capabilities, consider talking to them now while
they can still be part of the decision-making process and before they become a
danger to themselves. Making even a
minor change that acknowledges the senior’s limitations – like hiring housekeeping
services or making an appointment with an audiologist – may help your loved one
maintain his or her quality of life for as long as possible. It may be time to roll up your sleeves and
get to work on those metaphorical dishes.
