 |
| Jodi B., Paralegal |
Recently, my mind
has been rewinding to not-so-ancient memories when my girls were preschoolers
and Veggie Tales characters were part of our morning routine. In case you missed the episode starring
Madame Blueberry, she is a blueberry cartoon character and lives in a simple
treehouse at the top of a very tall tree.
Shopping at Stuffmart thrills her and she goes on a massive shopping
spree, filling her house with stuff until the weight causes her house to
plummet to the ground in shattered pieces.
Estate law and
blueberries…what’s the common denominator??
Stuff.
When our loved
ones pass away, sometimes “stuff” (or rather tangible personal property) becomes
so important, and there’s often a race to claim items before someone else can. Changing locks. Box trucks arriving in the middle of the
night. One family member often takes
possession of the stuff and begins to gather as much as they can, perhaps
forgetting that their mom was also someone else’s mom and that her “stuff” is
to be split according to her last wishes or state intestacy laws if no record
was left. People can be in such a hurry to gather as much “stuff” as possible
to stuff into their own houses without realizing the hurt they are causing
others. Perhaps this illustration is far
too simple for our non-blueberry lives because blueberries lack emotion,
memories, and relationships. But the
principle is still the same.
At The Peninsula
Center for Estate and Lifelong Planning, we get calls all the time about “stuff.” In the estate world, the personal representative
of the estate should be the one in charge of marshalling assets, keeping assets
(including tangible personal property) safe, and distributing the estate. If you find yourself serving as the personal
representative of an estate, open communication often puts anxieties to rest
and can prevent feuds from happening.
And if you are not the personal representative and the personal representative
is not communicating at all, try a soft approach. Instead of accusing them of stealing the
“stuff,” ask if they need help sorting through items or arranging a time for
the heirs to get together. Grief
overwhelms and skews our judgment and causes us to jump to conclusions and
speak harsh words that sometimes have lasting consequences.
Estate
administration can be overwhelming not only because one is wrapping up someone
else’s affairs that they may not have known much about, but because it’s also an
extremely emotional time filled with constant reminders of who we have
lost. Please don’t get me wrong and
think that I’m condoning those who truly steal from an estate, because that
does happen. But sometimes, harsh words
and actions over “stuff” sever and damage family relationships. Put relationships first and perhaps “stuff”
will follow into its proper place. And
if that happens, consider bringing blueberry pie for desert at the next family
dinner. I promise Madame Blueberry won’t
mind.
